Chapter Text
Sato sat as they watched Iruma finish up his portion. “So good.” Seven days gone in a few minutes, was this how Lunch Rush felt? “You get enough, Eri?”
“So many ways to eat apples…” The little girl next to him had her own section of various apple deserts. Apple pie, crisp, muffin, fritter, foods that Iruma actually restrained himself to leave alone for Eri. “I want to learn every way.” Good for the next generation glutton … UA was gonna be bankrupt one of these days.
“So now that we finished eating …” Uraraka grabbed a box, moving it to Suzuki. “You should open up your presents. We each went all out on giving you something.”
“Really? Everyone?” Iruma questioned, looking at Bakugo. Reasonable.
“As soon as you open my gift, I'm leaving. I've already had enough ‘fun’ to have an aneurysm at this point.” The explosive student grabbed his head like he was pushing down a headache.
Nodding in understanding, the boy unwrapped the gift Uraraka had given him. “Whoa, a telescope! And it has my name on it!” Iruma gidily exclaimed.
“Yeah, since you end up outside a lot, I figured you might find this useful. Also a nice way to look at the stars on a clear night, you know, in case you’d want to stargaze…with us…or just me sometime…” Real subtle.
“It’s also a great early alien detection system. Thank you.” He smiled, adding on the frankly weird purpose he found in it. “It seems really cool, I'll need you to teach me how to use it though.” The girl nodded in delight.
“Yeah, I believe it would be beneficial for ALL of us to learn together.” Shiozaki inserted herself between the gravity girl and glutton with her own present at hand. “Once again, I congratulate you for a happy birthday, Iruma.”
“Please, no more, I feel like I’m going to run out of tears if I get any more happy.” Iruma joked before opening his next present. Inside of it was a necklace that was a cross encrusted with blue jewel. “Wow, this seems really expensive.”
“Money isn’t what’s important.” The girl said with a smile. “In times of great stress, the cross has helped me gather great strength when I need it. I hope you feel the lord’s protection as I have been wearing it.”
“But I'm an atheist.” The girl looked like someone walked on her grave for a solid minute. “I mean, that’s what the Internet said when I looked it up.”
“I…uh…eh….” The girl spoke in sputters, obviously conflicted between her faith and the guy she had a crush on.
“Huh, this is a bigger brain f*ck than she had at the sports festival.” Bakugo said with amusem*nt. “Actually glad I chose to stick around now.
“Best day ever.” Hagakure seemed to nod. “Mine’s a combo with Miriko.” The invisible girl said from her spot. “Should be here any minute now …”
“Okay then, I can wait, there’s plenty more anyway.” The boy ripped open a small box to reveal … a gift card? “Whose gift is this?”
“It’s mine.” Todoroki said. “It’s a gift card to Lunch Rush’s, so you can afford to eat his meals instead of just during school hours.” Why didn’t HE think of that!?
“More food? That's amazing!” Iruma held onto Eri. “Hear that Eri, we can eat more great food all the time now!”
“Thank you Mr Icyhot.” The boy’s eye twitched.
“Oh yeah, I definitely made the right choice watching this mess.” Bakugo smirked.
“And from Denki … oh, that pokemon game. You get to collect cute creatures to have fun adventures with, right?”
“Yep, thought I set you up with something classic and simple.” The electric user sent a thumbs up.
“Thank you.” The boy sent a bright smile his way. “And from Minoru …” The boy raised an eyebrow, before pulling out a … small box of condoms. “Why are you giving me something from Midnight’s baby making class?”
“Trust me, you’re going to be needing it soon the way you’re going.” That sentence seemed to snap Shiozaki out of her trance to strangle the grape head’s neck.
“My angel doesn’t need to be corrupted any more than he has by your perversion!” They decided to let her vent, she wasn’t just staring off into space any more after all.
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Sansa Tamakawa double checked his equipment. First up, headphones specifically tailored to alter the sound waves of voices. A necessary part for going against any speech based quirk user. Next was the layers of isolated body armor to protect them from the stingers. There was a good chance it could pass through clothing, so there was a layer of rubber in between to help halt it.
After that were the normals when it came to unknown variants and any hidden objects. The smoke grenade, tranq dart, pepper spray, cuffs. Was this overkill for two civilians with no record of arms? Probably. However, given the long, long, long, EXTENSIVE files they were given about these two, he would have very little regret if they needed to come to that.
Scratching his ears, he went over the file once more. “Alright, we have seven officers on hand. Standard procedure takes place. We start with a knock, tell them we have a warrant, cuff them and carry them back to the precinct for interrogation while reading their rights. After a minute of failed response, we’ll kick down the door. Resisting arrest gives us clearance for attack.”
“Understood sir!” His men saluted. “I just believe these two have been manipulating the system for so long.” One of them said in disgust. “We had to arrest so many of our own.” Fifteen officers alone … two of them in their own district. He always liked the guy too, he was friendly, on time, couldn’t make coffee for sh*t but got the job done. Apparently he was just good at hiding in plain sight.
“That’s just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so many companies and corporations that are facing arrest for human right violations.”
“The League could have left us a few.” Yes, the so-called ‘league of villains justice clips’ have taken the dark web by storm, after multiple attempts to use normal sites failed. So far over ten had been made, all of high end people that couldn’t be touched. As the kids would say, the ‘clout’ that’s been gathering from this dark sense of justice, gained through illegal spying and murder, had been astronamical and put the Comission into a frenzy.
His partner, Naomasa, found it strange. The first few clips all involved Suzuki’s, and only included the trio of Shigaraki, Toga, and Twice. After that they started diversifying and including more members. The ongoing theory was that it was just a mad idea from one member that everyone else realized was working, so they jumped onto the bandwagon.
“We just have to take the good that we can get out of it and hope it’s enough.” He sighed. Gran Torino’s team of pros a while back captured one of the League’s key players, the warpgate villain Kuroguri a while back, so hopefully they can drive these manmen into a corner before anything MORE disastrous comes about from this.
Naomasa walked to the front door from his car, knocking on the door. “This is the police, open up!” Now it was your turn, what would you do Suzuki?
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Of course they got interrupted when they finally got to round three. That was just Suzuki luck for you. “This is the police, open up!” … She rushed to put her clothes back on, husband following suit.
“Damn it, damn it, damn it!” Her husband cursed as he almost fell over like putting his pants on. “I was certain we covered every track!”
“Not what we should worry about, the problem is getting out. Get the case, we’ll use it and go on the run.” Hawaii was nice this time of year, right? She finished her clothes before checking the outside cameras from her phone.
It wasn’t a pretty sight to see in the slightest. Multiple sights of armored men wearing multiple forms of ear protection, which meant these people knew about their quirks and were working around them. f*cking hell, they hid them for a reason. “How, how is this possible?! Iruma’s too much of an idiot to figure it out on his own!”
“Let’s worry about the bastard later, we need to head into the underground tunnel now.” Right, of course. They made their way to the small closet, opening the latch under the rug and revealing a damp cave.
“We really should have cleaned this at some point.” She muttered, going down the whole and closing the door behind them along with the rug covered hideaway. They walked through the tunnel, in silence, holding onto each other as the only form of comfort they had.
“We should’ve just gotten another summoning book, or at least never sold the first one to that green haired bastard.” Her husband grumbled. “But Iruma’s name became too big, so we couldn’t have him disappear without a trace.”
“That’s what happens when we force a dog to do more than what it’s bred for.” She rubbed her forehead. “If we ever decide to make another one, we should take the training further.” Add a stick to the carrot this time around.
“I mean adoption is an option, those bastards are desperate for anything to get out of a hell hole.” This was why she married him, he just made it easy. Such a beautiful and simple man.
“The idea of you two being parents makes me throw up.” A familiar gruff and tired voice said from above them. “Luckily, preparations have been made to ensure that’ll never happen again.” Iruma’s teacher, wearing goggles, jumped and pinned them both to the ground. “Corner C, about two blocks east.” He pressed his headphones as he tied them up.
“This is a breach of jurisdiction, we haven’t used our quirks!” She shouted at him.
“On the contrary, you’ve been using your undocumented quirks publicly for over twenty years. We have enough evidence to prove it.” The man growled, pressing them harder into the ground. “Since we don’t know the full range of your capabilities, extensive measures must be taken. It’s the rational choice to make.”
Damn it all, damn it all, damn their worthless, useless, burdenson child! If she ever got her hands on the boy again she’d strangle his neck. “And you both got a case here too, probably more incriminating evidence.” The man opened it up … “Or not, it’s just full of bricks?”
“What the…it was supposed to be full of…” Either the Yakuza was planning a trick or Iruma…”f*ck you, Iruma. f*ck you.”
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Miriko and Toshinori walked into the latest present opening. “Wow, it’s a record player.” Kit smiled.
“I know you don’t listen to it much, so I put in a couple of classics.” The ear lobe girl explained. “Plus ‘Hero Too’ for when you or Eri ever feel like smiling.”
“Hero too! I’m a hero too!” The little unicorn girl shouted eagerly in her Kit's lap.
“I think we’re going to be using this one a whole lot.” The boy smiled before noticing them. “Bunny-sensei, Rabbit-sama!” He waved at them with a bright and cheery grin.
“What, you’d think I’d miss out on my own Kit’s special day? I thought you knew me better than that.” She smirked and put the boy into a headlock, given plenty of head ruffles and noogies. “Glad you're doing all right after the raid.” She gleaned down at the girl. “And is this who I think it is?”
“Yeah, it’s Eri. She comes by to see me alot.” Kit picked her up. “Eri, this is Rabbit-Sama and Bunny-sensei. They taught me how to have muscles and how to punch people.” Well he wasn’t wrong, and she was damn proud of it.
The girl looked at Kit then at them with curious yet calculating eyes. “Thank you for making Wolfman a hero.”
“Believe us, the honor was all ours.” Toshinori bowed to the girl. “I see you’ve been enjoying yourself, Young Suzuki. I hope my gift doesn’t pale in comparison to the rest of the day.” The former pro handed over a box to the boy.
He opened it up, looking curiously at what was inside before his eyes popped open in recognition. “This was …”
“Yes, your first workout uniform. I know it got torn up in our ten months of training, so I fixed it up for sentimental value.”
“The clothes I wore when my life completely changed.” Kettie looked at them as if they were holy treasures. “I, thank you Bunny-Sensei.” He ran to the man and wrapped his arms around the thin former pro. “If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve never been able to be this happy.”
“Getting to know you has been the greatest experience of my life, Young Suzuki.” The pro returned the hug. “Just remember, every bit of happiness you feel, you’ve earned. You deserve all of it.”
Never thought she’d experience this amount of fluff and NOT throw up. Miriko decided to wait a minute until she handed him her own present. “For you, kit.” The boy opened it slowly, given how small it was, before pulling out two pieces of paper.
“I … don’t understand the jumbled up words at all!” He stated, as she, and a couple of his classmates, facepalmed.
“Right, I keep forgetting we need to use simple words.” The invisible girl walked up to the Kit. “This is something me, Miriko, and a few others have been working on for a few months. The first paper is a copy of an arrest warrant for Hachi and Teian Suzuki.”
“My…parents…?” He tilted his head in confusion.
“You will not believe how much effort we went through to get it.” The girl in question shivered. “Never gonna feel clean. Regardless they’re in jail now, unable to touch you in any way or form for the rest of your life. My present to you for being there in my life, Iruma-kun.”
“I…I never have to see them again….” Her Kit’s eyes filled up. “I..I really don’t have to think about them….I…” He was falling to the ground. “I…I thought they’d never…I…I thought they…”
“It’s alright Kit, they can’t hurt you anymore.” Miriko held him up. “In fact, as of today, they’re not legally your parents anymore. The other paper says you're my kit.” She smiled. “Feel free to call me whatever you want.”
“Wait, wait…what…” He jumbled on his words, looking at the other paper, doing his damndest to understand what was written on it. “Your…you’re…”
“Yeah, took a while to get it approved. Apparently my personality was ‘problematic’ or something like that.” She was certain at least five kids coughed ‘understatement’ under their breaths.
“Your…your my mom?” Her kit froze at those words, before grabbing ahold of her body and lifting her upwards in a tight squeeze. “My mom….my Rabbit-mama…” She was gonna die for this f*ckin kid, wasn’t she?
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Kota walked in with the other Cats in his life, late due to the bulletin announcement event. They seemed to not miss much, just putting up decorations and relaxing around some friends with gifts. “Hope we didn’t miss something juicy.” Electric Dunce and Animal Head once more screamed in terror as they hid behind the bulky six armed student. “Still got it.” Ryuko smirked.
“Oh, hey Cat-samas!” Kettei waved to the group with a little girl around his own age in his arms. “Hey Kota. You came for my birthday too? I think there’s a piece of cake left…unless I ate it without noticing again.”
“Yeah, sorry we came on short notice. We would have been here earlier but we got caught off guard by the Japanese Bulletin.” Aunty Shino explained.
“Oh shoot, can’t believe we forgot those were going on.” Tape arms looked surprised, before raising an eyebrow and turning to the confused Kettei. “It’s where they announce hero ranking. You know, who’s the most popular, strongest, stuff like that.”
“Popularity contest, got it.” Kettei nodded. Yeah, that’s basically what it was from what Kota knew. “So Bunny-sensei was number one when he was still a hero?”
“Of course I was, best in the business.” The man laughed. “Who took it this year?”
“Endeavor.” A sudden jump of frost came from the two haired kid.
“Oh, Miriko, you made 5th place this year.” Tomoko told the rabbit lady. “Surprised you didn’t make it to the announcement.”
“Birthday was clearly more important of course.” She gestured to Kettei. “I have to tell the boy I'm a mother in person after all.”
“Oh, I see.” Tomoko nodded. “So you and Yagi got into a closet and-”
“Why do people keep assuming this!?” The zombie man yelled out loud. “I just helped Rumi with the adoption process. As of today, she’s Young Suzuki’s mother.”
“And here I thought you cared.” Yawase snickered. “Oh, young Kota here had a gift for his favorite hero. He’s even wearing a hoodie with your image on it.” WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM!!?
“I just…your niceandIwantedtobeniceback!” He handed his gift to him. “Happybirthday!” He hid his face in his hood as much as possible.
“Hehe, you talk funny.” The girl in Kettei’s arms giggled. He blinked, taking notice of her. “Oh, I'm Eri, nice to meet you.” She smiled in a way that made her face sparkle. “How do you know Wolf Man?”
BA-DUMP
“I’m … Kota.” He kept the hood down, making sure to keep his red face unseen. “I…Kettei…saved me and..nowIwanttobeahero!”
“Oh, he saved me too! Now I’m going to be a hero that makes people smile!” Yeah he could see that.
“Hey, I think they still have a recording of the Bulletin on, you guys should watch. We got so high up even when we were out of commission.” Aunty Shino smiled. “It actually inspired us to get back into the swing of things.”
“No matter how sore we become in the process.” Tomoko groaned, falling on a nearby couch. “I feel like every piece of my body hates me. Did I move that little when I had my quirk?”
“Your quirk was search, you did jack sh*t physically.” Yawase told her. “You really need to lift more, you know.”
“Okay news news … got it.” The yellow haired kid flipped the channel. “Hey check it out it’s-”
On the scene laid one thing that no one had been expecting, as the electric dunce kid dropped the remote with horror. The number one hero, Endeavor, laying on the ground, a hooded monster standing over his body. “He’s too weak … give me someone else … someone actually strong!”
